So, the end of 2011 is here and what a hell of a year it has been. Few positives aside, I must say I am wholeheartedly ready to turn this one over and never look back. I'm not sure I am ready to talk about or even face the challenges presented in the past 12 months, but that's a whole 'nother entry I guess. What I do know is that, as I've known my entire life you cannot move forward while still looking back. So.... look forward I must, and will.
I've decided, much to the dismay of the average "only on the internet to stalk and judge" reader.... Too harsh?? Okay, tell me you haven't gone online and somehow found yourself looking at some photo of a FB friend, (one might I add, you have never actually met in person) posted three years ago in an album three pages deep. Yes, my friend, that's stalking. The first step is acceptance people. But I digress.... so I guess rather than spend all my time oohing and aahing over the baby pictures of cute little Billy, which I LOVE seeing... every hour... of every day.... in the same pose.... I will try something a bit more productive. Hence I present, Project 365. Okay, I didn't say it was a freaking original, one of a kind, task alright.
It is my hope that in committing to this project, I will take the time to realize that there is something special and important in every single day. I am the most guilty in getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and I sometimes forget to rejoice in the common. I forget to revel in the moment. The idea of realizing what you have in the smallest of events, reminds me of a song by Brad Paisley. So here we go, Project 365 Day 1..... "I Live For, Little Moments Like That"..........
So, I am the Christmas queen. All who know me know that. I embrace it. The problem.... I think the grinch has taken hold of me this year. I just can't seem to get into the spirit. I mean, I JUST finished the decorating today. Yes, seven days before Christmas. That is unheard of for me, who has been known to be completely done BEFORE Thanksgiving. To make matters worse, I haven't bought a single gift. That's right. Nothing, nada, zilch. Not for lack of of desire or interest. I actually am the weirdo who enjoys the holiday crowds and intense hustle and bustle. However, not working for a few months sure dented my bank account, hence a much smaller holiday fund.
The problem with all of this is..... I KNOW that the meaning of Christmas is the birth of my Lord and Savior. I know that the best gifts are the memories made with friends and family and the time spent together. Come on though, let's face it.... try wrapping an empty box for a loved one and explain that the gift is the time you are spending together. See if that doesn't get you uninvited from future get togethers faster that Aunt Martha who gives hand knitted sweaters and 20 pound fruitcakes.
So, in an attempt to salvage my spirit this year, I am preparing to take some Christmas card pictures of my beautiful girls, maybe get in some holiday baking, with jingling, jangling, spirit moving carols turned way up and a Sunday sermon to feed my soul.
Well, times they are a changin'. I have officially been hired as the new English teacher at Suncoast High School here in Palm Beach County. And for what it's worth, it couldn't have come at a better time. I have truly been at such a point of frustration lately wondering what my next step would be. After numerous interviews and the ups and downs of the possibility of positions at other schools, then letdowns when those didn't come through, I found myself in tears daily with the fear of unemployment and lack of options weighing so heavily on me. I know.... me, crying.... shocker for those closest to me right???? I am so excited about going to work at this school. The faculty and students are wonderful and it seems like such a great place to spend my career. With a sigh of relief, I now sign off to begin the planning and go to sleep with dreams of .... Show me the money!!!! Okay, I know.... the salary of a teacher is pretty much crap.... but hey ANY paycheck is better than none!
Ever heard that saying "Let go and let God"? Easier said than done huh. Well, apparently that was the lesson of the weekend for me. I sent my oldest off to sleep away camp for the first time. My baby has her first loose tooth. And topping it off, while at her first away camp my girl got her first set of stitches, without me there. Now, I am a pretty relaxed mom when it comes to injuries. I have never been the type to wrap my kid in bubble wrap to prevent the slightest scratch.... but I must say, this one unnerved me a bit! I mean, when your baby is hours away and you get a call from the coach, you know something is up. Is it completely terrible that I was thankful that the call wasn't because she was screwing up the routine or her skills and they needed me to give her a talking to? I actually felt some semblance of relief upon finding out that it was a "minor" injury and that she was in completely competent hands. What was the injury... oh you know, the common everyday doing a backhandspring over another girl in a pyramid and the head to head collision busted the skin at the eyebrow. Oh, you mean your darling doesn't do that often? Oh well, anyway... I am glad to have my sweet daredevil home safe and sound. I still think she's beautiful... even with that huge shiner!
I am complicated. I know that.
I have experienced a lot of heartbreak in my life and am determined to heal. Okay, I know, everyone has their demons. Everyone has struggles. I happen to have had more than my and your fair share in my lifetime. Those who know me best understand exactly what I mean. Does that however give me the right to give up? I don't think so. I maintain that I am here for a purpose. Psalm 139:14 says "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well." Now, I am not even going to pretend that I wake up daily with that fear not, can do attitude. There have been days in which I found it hard to even get off of the couch. Lucky for me, I have a God who has enough strength for the both of us. See, we all have a gift, a talent, a PURPOSE. It has taken me a long time (29 years to be exact).... but I think I now know mine. My gift is optimism. You see, in a world where most think all is going badly, I have always seemed to gravitate to the good. It has, at times, driven the people around me crazy. I don't buy into the heart-attack inducing debates over politics. I hate the cut-throat world of women and friendships. I simply look for the good. It helps me survive. Listen, without this optimism, I would never have survived my, umm, not so storybook childhood. (If you grew up with me, feel free to laugh now at the understatement of the year). Without the BELIEF that I could make it, that I could be someone, that I could rise above my current situation, my world would be 200% different right now.
So, my gift is optimism. Belief. Without it, we live in a world that will gobble you up like Uncle Jimmy pouncing on the butterball at Thanksgiving. I think that is why I went into teaching. School showed me that there was more out there. I learned that there were others who weren't born a "somebody" and who succeeded anyway. I sat back and listened and read and watched others. I studied people who were "making it" in the world. There had to be a common denominator, right? It was an insatiable BELIEF in themselves and in the world around them. I understood that if these people around me and in the history books could overcome such obstacles, who in the hell was I to doubt my own success?
As a classroom teacher, I made it my goal to instill this same attitude into my students. Was it important to teach them to read and write. Absolutely. Would they learn better if they felt less stress over their lives and circumstances sometimes beyond their control? Certainly. I wanted them to know each and everyday that I didn't care how many odds were stacked against them..... I EXPECTED them to push forward and be and do whatever they desired. Even if that meant becoming a pro sports star, or president, or an actress, or model, or whatever. You see.... someone has to fulfill those roles. Why couldn't it be my students? Belief.
Now, I have always had this attitude and this mindset. I never really sat and thought about it though. It just came naturally to me. It has actually been in the past year as I have been involved with Arbonne International that I have had this "epiphany". Now, for those of you who "know" of Arbonne, you probably think makeup. Do I use Arbonne makeup? Yes. Do I use Arbonne skincare? Yes. Do I use Arbonne nutrition, detox, and other personal care products? Yes, yes, and yes. Is that what Arbonne is to me? Absolutely not. Since my invlovement in Arbonne, I have grown in faith; I have grown in personal development; I have grown in BELIEF. I found a "home" with other people who apparently studied the successes of others as I had and who also realize that the key to life is belief and philathropy. You see, it doesn't always take giving monetary donations to others to be a philathropist. It is simply giving. I have enough optimism to go around... It is expected that I share it! And that is why I will be a "lifer" with Arbonne. I intend to pass on belief in oneself and education of one's mind,body, and spirit to everyone who will listen! (psssstttt.... yes, YOU!!!!)
So, I have a passion. It is passing on belief. Helping others grow. I have two ways to do that. Arbonne and the teaching of children (yes, believe it or not.... teenagers are still "children") Since leaving the public school classroom, I have decided that I still must serve. I have opened the South Florida Achievement Academy to serve the literacy and language needs of students of all ages and ability levels. I will NEVER give up on children. Never. And I will NEVER give up on myself. Never.
*If you or someone you know would like to become involved in helping yourself or others grow and prosper, email me at sfachievementacademy@gmail.com.
**For any of my former or current students.... Understand that some grammatical rules were and will be harmed in the making of this blog. I maintain that doing so is simply to preserve the artistic integrity of my musings :-) Happy writing!!!!
So, here it is. Looks like I am jumping on the blogging boat. Hey, don't judge me.... I know I am an English teacher and apparently about ten years behind the times, but I'm here and that's all that matters. Right?
Writing is supposed to be therapeutic. I mean, all of us have those letters we wrote in the most amazingly simple and almost illegible chicken scratch when we were children to our parents after we did something to get ourselves into "the worst day of our lives". That writing was meant to answer that most important question.... Just how deep is this hole I have dug? Is it like, a mudhole? Or is it more like the Grand Canyon? It eased our minds to write those those words of pure suck-up ("Yor the best momy in the wurld") Then left us to sit alone on our rooms agonizing over the severity of the consequence that may be coming our way. And who could forget the pain of wondering if that cute kid who sat in the third row across from you in Mrs. Brown's class liked you back. So to squelch the agony of the unknown, you wrote a letter expressing your undying devotion in the hopes that he (or she) would "check yes" (i.e "Do you want to be my girlfriend/boyfriend" "Check yes or no"). As we eased into high school and college, it seems that simple need for writing to fulfill an emotional need went away. Replaced with a hatred... oh yes, for most I mean hatred, not dislike, not disapproval.... a sincere hatred as we were forced into blisters and callouses over the most mundane note-taking and essay writing found. And there you have it. The evolution of the human writing experience, from need to hate. Okay, well maybe I abbreviated it just a tad, but you get the picture.
Regardless, as I have found myself at a crossroads of life, I think that the need to get one's thoughts on paper (okay.... computer for those living in the 21st century) is an ever present one. I see getting these thoughts out as a way to manage them and work through them instead of having them all swirling around in my head like a tornado or something. I mean, there's only so much room up in that gourd of mine you know? I have to make room :-)
So, here it will be. My journey. On the world wide web. For all to see. And judge.
Oh boy..... Why did Al Gore have to invent the internet :-/
**For any of my former or current students.... Understand that some grammatical rules were and will be harmed in the making of this blog. I maintain that doing so is simply to preserve the artistic integrity of my musings :-) Happy writing!!!!
