Second Chances

I hope they understand that I'm not angry, I'm just saying... Sometimes goodbye is a second chance. ~Shinedown It has now been almost 9 months since my life changed forever.  Since I took a leap of faith, left familiarity, seized happiness.  Did I find happiness? I think happiness must be a relative term, for what exactly have I found?  Freedom, independence; maybe more than anything I have found liberation.  These months have represented a journey I never thought I would take.  I was settled. I was content.  I was comfortable.  But I wasn't happy.  You see, happiness is, after all, a relative term.  I think many mistake comfort and contentment and routine as happiness. I think that is simply not so.  What we all should do, is think back to childhood.  It wasn't contentment and comfort providing us with the best memories.... it was sheer happiness.  The happiness of seeing your best friend, of getting a trinket or toy you had your eye on for months, of a simple hug.  A hug.  Affection.  Companionship.  What was better than lazy summer days with your friends and neighbors, or late night weekend sleepovers laughing, joking, and just being.  Being. Being.  That's what I think I've been missing.  Being.  Living.  Not existing.  Existing is just surviving, but true happiness. Now that's something special. As I settle in to the changes I have faced in this past year, I now know the true power of a second chance.  Second chances are magical.  "We're given second chances every day of our life.  We don't usually take them, but they're there for the taking." ~Andrew Greeley  Sometimes a decision to seize a second chance is met wit ridicule and scorn.  Sometimes it is met with fear and uncertainty.  But it's there.  Waiting.  An opportunity to start a brand new future.  I'm no prophet and have no key to the future, but I do know the future is mine for the taking.  Do I have regrets? Of course.  Those without regrets are without growth.  Mistakes and regret feed and nurture introspect and change.  For the first time in my life, I am learning who I am.  Not who I should be.  Who everyone else wants me to be.  But what I want.  And who I am.  And it's beautiful.  I have a long way to go, but I can officially finally say that I am beginning to feel happiness again.  Thank God for second chances.

Project 365, Day 2 - January 1, 2012

Sparklers for New Year's Day..... What fun it would be to enjoy this through the eyes of a child again!

Project 365, Day 1 - December 31, 2011

Part of the beauty of making a move to sunny south Florida, is being able to spend the entire day on the beach on New Year's Eve.   As 2011 has been a little less than kind to me, I am saying GOOD RIDDANCE and welcoming 2012 with open arms! Bring it!!!!!  Happy New Year's Eve everyone <3

Project 365

     So, the end of 2011 is here and what a hell of a year it has been.  Few positives aside, I must say I am wholeheartedly ready to turn this one over and never look back. I'm not sure I am ready to talk about or even face the challenges presented in the past 12 months, but that's a whole 'nother entry I guess.  What I do know is that, as I've known my entire life you cannot move forward while still looking back.  So.... look forward I must, and will.
     I've decided, much to the dismay of the average "only on the internet to stalk and judge" reader....  Too harsh?? Okay, tell me you haven't gone online and somehow found yourself looking at some photo of a FB friend, (one might I add, you have never actually met in person) posted three years ago in an album three pages deep.  Yes, my friend, that's stalking. The first step is acceptance people.  But I digress.... so I guess rather than spend all my time oohing and aahing over the baby pictures of cute little Billy, which I LOVE seeing... every hour... of every day.... in the same pose.... I will try something a bit more productive.  Hence I present, Project 365.  Okay, I didn't say it was a freaking original, one of a kind, task alright.
     It is my hope that in committing to this project, I will take the time to realize that there is something special and important in every single day.  I am the most guilty in getting caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and I sometimes forget to rejoice in the common.  I forget to revel in the moment.  The idea of realizing what you have in the smallest of events, reminds me of a song by Brad Paisley.  So here we go, Project 365 Day 1..... "I Live For, Little Moments Like That"..........

'Tis the Season

     So, I am the Christmas queen.  All who know me know that.  I embrace it.  The problem.... I think the grinch has taken hold of me this year.  I just can't seem to get into the spirit.  I mean, I JUST finished the decorating today.  Yes, seven days before Christmas.  That is unheard of for me, who has been known to be completely done BEFORE Thanksgiving.  To make matters worse, I haven't bought a single gift. That's right.  Nothing, nada, zilch.  Not for lack of of desire or interest.  I actually am the weirdo who enjoys the holiday crowds and intense hustle and bustle.  However, not working for a few months sure dented my bank account, hence a much smaller holiday fund.
     The problem with all of this is..... I KNOW that the meaning of Christmas is the birth of my Lord and Savior.  I know that the best gifts are the memories made with friends and family and the time spent together.  Come on though, let's face it.... try wrapping an empty box for a loved one and explain that the gift is the time you are spending together.  See if that doesn't get you uninvited from future get togethers faster that Aunt Martha who gives hand knitted sweaters and 20 pound fruitcakes.
     So, in an attempt to salvage my spirit this year, I am preparing to take some Christmas card pictures of my beautiful girls, maybe get in some holiday baking, with jingling, jangling, spirit moving carols turned way up and a Sunday sermon to feed my soul.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Well, times they are a changin'. I have officially been hired as the new English teacher at Suncoast High School here in Palm Beach County. And for what it's worth, it couldn't have come at a better time.  I have truly been at such a point of frustration lately wondering what my next step would be.  After numerous interviews and the ups and downs of the possibility of positions at other schools, then letdowns when those didn't come through, I found myself in tears daily with the fear of unemployment and lack of options weighing so heavily on me. I know.... me, crying.... shocker for those closest to me right????  I am so excited about going to work at this school.  The faculty and students are wonderful and it seems like such a great place to spend my career.  With a sigh of relief, I now sign off to begin the planning and go to sleep with dreams of .... Show me the money!!!! Okay, I know.... the salary of a teacher is pretty much crap.... but hey ANY paycheck is better than none!

Letting Go

 Ever heard that saying "Let go and let God"?  Easier said than done huh.  Well, apparently that was the lesson of the weekend for me. I sent my oldest off to sleep away camp for the first time.  My baby has her first loose tooth. And topping it off, while at her first away camp my girl got her first set of stitches, without me there. Now, I am a pretty relaxed mom when it comes to injuries.  I have never been the type to wrap my kid in bubble wrap to prevent the slightest scratch.... but I must say, this one unnerved me a bit! I mean, when your baby is hours away and you get a call from the coach, you know something is up.  Is it completely terrible that I was thankful that the call wasn't because she was screwing up the routine or her skills and they needed me to give her a talking to? I actually felt some semblance of relief upon finding out that it was a "minor" injury and that she was in completely competent hands.  What was the injury... oh you know, the common everyday doing a backhandspring over another girl in a pyramid and the head to head collision busted the skin at the eyebrow.  Oh, you mean your darling doesn't do that often? Oh well, anyway... I am glad to have my sweet daredevil home safe and sound.  I still think she's beautiful... even with that huge shiner!

Smiling through it all! Coach Kristen kept telling me how proud she was of what a trooper my girl had been! <3 

                                                                       OUCH!!

                            Paisley also lost her first tooth! My, my... lots of firsts for mommy this weekend :-)